When life gives you lemons....
...you throw them at Irene.
I don't know who this Irene thinks she is coming here shaking my hundred year old maples loose, leaving me without power for 24 hours. She even took my 75 year old fridge for the love of all that is holy! I mean did she not read my blogs about the monster flood? Illiteracy is a sad state of affairs but surely she saw it on the news like everyone else? Even our PM can turn on the news...One assumes.
Irene does have a sense of humour. My Johnny and I were having a romantic supper by candlelight - okay there was no electricity, we needed candles and, for this little ditty, we will define romance as eyes bugging out looking at the wind and hoping the generator was going to start. The entirety of my left side was nervously twitching. Sexy. Then twelve minutes, not thirteen nor eleven, since my twitches were perfectly timed, after power went out, the dining room chandelier started to drip water on my forehead. This being incomprehensible to me, I just wiped the water off and continued eating.
Drip. Drip. Drip...
You know denial only works during a small window of time. Because once the chandelier started pouring water onto the table and plates, well, there you have it, full blown poopy pants times, here's your reality raining down on you. Really? The roof is leaking? Did the roof not see the monster flood? Was it not on board with the basement pumping hip boots wearing party of not so long ago?
The good news is we did not throw up our meal.
The bad news the freaky roof was leaking!
In other news, Johnny is very handy and after running in circles crashing into each other, he found a bucket, I found a roll of plastic and Xanax. I rolled myself up in the plastic and waited the storm out. I left an air hole, not for breathing, I wasn't anyway, just so I could yell out helpful things like:
"Start generator for the sump pump so the water doesn't rise in basement."
"Wouldn't it be fun if basement water and roof water met and made babies?"
"I'm sorry, you're right, that wasn't funny."
"Yes I have extra pills."
"Did you hear that???? A branch just fell on the roof!"
"Santa?"
There will be water in this house and you will like it
- Irene.
I don't know who this Irene thinks she is coming here shaking my hundred year old maples loose, leaving me without power for 24 hours. She even took my 75 year old fridge for the love of all that is holy! I mean did she not read my blogs about the monster flood? Illiteracy is a sad state of affairs but surely she saw it on the news like everyone else? Even our PM can turn on the news...One assumes.
Irene does have a sense of humour. My Johnny and I were having a romantic supper by candlelight - okay there was no electricity, we needed candles and, for this little ditty, we will define romance as eyes bugging out looking at the wind and hoping the generator was going to start. The entirety of my left side was nervously twitching. Sexy. Then twelve minutes, not thirteen nor eleven, since my twitches were perfectly timed, after power went out, the dining room chandelier started to drip water on my forehead. This being incomprehensible to me, I just wiped the water off and continued eating.
Drip. Drip. Drip...
You know denial only works during a small window of time. Because once the chandelier started pouring water onto the table and plates, well, there you have it, full blown poopy pants times, here's your reality raining down on you. Really? The roof is leaking? Did the roof not see the monster flood? Was it not on board with the basement pumping hip boots wearing party of not so long ago?
The good news is we did not throw up our meal.
The bad news the freaky roof was leaking!
In other news, Johnny is very handy and after running in circles crashing into each other, he found a bucket, I found a roll of plastic and Xanax. I rolled myself up in the plastic and waited the storm out. I left an air hole, not for breathing, I wasn't anyway, just so I could yell out helpful things like:
"Start generator for the sump pump so the water doesn't rise in basement."
"Wouldn't it be fun if basement water and roof water met and made babies?"
"I'm sorry, you're right, that wasn't funny."
"Yes I have extra pills."
"Did you hear that???? A branch just fell on the roof!"
"Santa?"
There will be water in this house and you will like it
- Irene.
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